No procreation hotel package for me, thanks

I am cracking right the heck up over this article pointing out a Marco Island hotel's "procreation" special. It's called the "Fertile Turtle" package and includes fertility-promoting raspberry tea and aromatherapy massages. Part of the money from your baby-conceiving stay goes to help sea turtles, because apparently sea turtles are a symbol of fertility. (Really?) And if you do get busy and make a baby, then the hotel rewards you with a free three-night stay (no mention of free childcare, though).

As nice as this all sounds -- and Marco Island is so close -- I would probably just be too embarrassed to call the hotel and book the package. I'd be like, "Um, hi, I'd like your [whispering] Fertile Turtle package? ... I said the Fertile Turtle package? And a large 'Do not disturb' sign?" Then you'd check in, and everyone at the front desk would have these knowing little smirks on their faces. The massage therapist would be like, "So, you guys want to have a baby, huh?"

Just too embarrassing. And everyone knows embarrassment hormones aren't good for a little ovum.... However, they seem to have no effect on sperm.