Big brother is a big deal too
It seems for the past month, my husband and I have been in a mad rush to get things done before the baby arrives. I feel as though my day starts out with a long to-do list hanging over my head, and I get to cross off only a few items by the end of the day. Not everything is baby-related, but a lot of our tasks are specifically for the baby.
Now that I'm visiting the doctor every week -- also because of the baby -- and the word "baby" comes up in conversation an average of once every half-hour, my son is getting a clear impression that whatever this baby thing is, it must be a big deal.
And of course, the baby is a big deal.
People have asked me what the Man-cub thinks about having a little brother or sister. I usually say we talk about the baby but that I'm not sure how much he really understands.
Recently, I got a clear idea what he understands.
I bought some new sippy cups for him because the Man-cub has chewed them so much that the edges are just this side of cutlery. When I showed him the cups, he said, "For the baby." He wasn't excited. He wasn't sad. The Man-cub just assumed something new coming into the house was for the baby -- like almost everything else.
My heart broke a little.
"No, sweetie," I said. "These are for you." I hugged him tightly.
One of the reasons my husband and I thought it would be great to have another child is to help our son learn that in life, he can't be the center of attention all the time.
But I also want him to feel loved, to feel special, to understand he himself is also a big deal. I just need to find a balance between the two ends of the spectrum -- while balancing my love for both little ones.
Now that I'm visiting the doctor every week -- also because of the baby -- and the word "baby" comes up in conversation an average of once every half-hour, my son is getting a clear impression that whatever this baby thing is, it must be a big deal.
And of course, the baby is a big deal.
People have asked me what the Man-cub thinks about having a little brother or sister. I usually say we talk about the baby but that I'm not sure how much he really understands.
Recently, I got a clear idea what he understands.
I bought some new sippy cups for him because the Man-cub has chewed them so much that the edges are just this side of cutlery. When I showed him the cups, he said, "For the baby." He wasn't excited. He wasn't sad. The Man-cub just assumed something new coming into the house was for the baby -- like almost everything else.
My heart broke a little.
"No, sweetie," I said. "These are for you." I hugged him tightly.
One of the reasons my husband and I thought it would be great to have another child is to help our son learn that in life, he can't be the center of attention all the time.
But I also want him to feel loved, to feel special, to understand he himself is also a big deal. I just need to find a balance between the two ends of the spectrum -- while balancing my love for both little ones.
Labels: domestic life, Man-cub, parenthood
posted by Holly at 7:37 AM
18 Comments:
Little dear. I just love him.
Oh Holly. Bless his heart. I would have fallen to pieces too. What a sweetheart he is. I'm sure that in time, you will find a balance. You will all find a balance.
Poor little guy. It's hard on them. The Pirate turned 3 the week the Bug was born. He had a really hard time those first few months and we really struggled to find time to show him that he was special too. If I can offer a tiny bit of advise that worked for us, we tried to get any visitors to the new baby to acknowledge the boy first, and to let the Pirate be the one to show off the baby to others. 14 months later the Bug is still "our baby".
I remember the transition between one child (she was four when her brother was born) and two. One day when I was at work an hubby was watching the kids, our four year old picked up her daddy's screwdriver and proceeded to try to reach her baby brother's BRAIN through his NOSTRIL!!!! Hubby nearly lost it.
When I got home and heard the story, I sat down with our eldest on the couch and asked her to tell me about why she did that. Then I told her that daddy and mommy could love BOTH her and her brother at the same time.
I guess why I'm telling you this story is: I think it is important to keep TELLING the older child that you love them and they are STILL IMPORTANT. At least that seemed to help in our case.
I also provided some "extras" the first few weeks. New sidewalk chalk, a new movie, colouring books and other activities that kept her busy and made her feel special!
Ahww-It can be hard to adjust especially for the little ones. I know there's a few things you can do to help. We got a book to help explain things and also got a gift for the new baby and big sibling to exchange and "give to each other" :)
I also wanted to let you know that I have a One Lovely Blog Award waiting for you on my blog-Check it out!
What a sweetie he is! And Oh boy do I feel ya. I feel it amplified with 2 on the way. Man this motherhood gig is TOUGH, eh?
Bless your heart! You're gonna do just fine. The fact that you so want to balance the two means that overall you will find a way. Both munchkins will feel loved because they are loved.
We've been through this a few times, and yes the advice out there (getting a book, having the older child participate and help etc.) are all good and do work.
I think an immediate benefit of having another child in the house is it immediately shifts attention and focus from the older child to something other than him or herself. This is immensely positive for the older child over the long term in my view.
Of course the younger child can model behavior and understand the world better by having an older sibling (which helps a lot too!).
Awe, bless his little heart! When I was pregnant with my second, I had a moment like that and felt many of those same things. Looking back, I was amazed at how it all changed and just fell into place when Melody was born. You'll do just fine!
That is one of the things I worry about with having another child. But people have been having multiple children since the beginning of time and somehow have managed to make them all feel special, surely I can do that.
Of course, you will find the perfect balance!
It is a transition and some kids make it better than others. I think he'll be fine.
I think all moms worry about how the other child(ren) will react to the new baby. It's only natural to worry. We moms are great at it. We worry we're shortchanging the first kid(s) by adding another... but we're adding to their lives, just as we add to our own. Another person to love and to love us. What could be better?
The impossible thing about kids (plural) is that you love each of them absolutely and totally - and neither more than the other.
What a sweet little guy. Being a big brother is tough, but he will love it. Make sure that people in your family spend extra time with him when the baby is born. My parents and other relatives did this with our big guy. He loved the time and did well adjusting to being a big brother. I think the age difference with my kids is almost the same as yours (mine may be a little larger). Hugs to the big brother.
I know I've told you this before but my oldest boy adjusted just fine to having younger siblings. He actually like being the big brother and relishes the responsibility that comes with it. Sometimes when his little brother is getting to do something he wants to do he'll console himself by saying "You did that with me when I was a baby, didn't you mom."
There are pay offs, too. Being big he gets to work in the garage with daddy, which he LOVES and the littler siblings aren't big enough to do yet. And he gets to help with chores which makes him feel special.
Aww, my heart would have broken a little too!
I'm sure he'll be a great big brother. And like everyone else has said, I have no doubt that you will find a way to achieve a balance.
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