How not to look old

My husband and I used to subscribe to a forest full of magazines. (Maybe that's why we get so many catalogs.) We still get several titles but have really cut back because we just don't have the time to read them. Our boys have seen to that. Most of the time now, I'll pick up a magazine on the newsstand if something catches my eye rather than subscribe to a magazine for a whole year. And recently the following teaser jumped out at me:

How not to act old
Rule #1: Never leave a voice mail

Voice mail, I thought. I leave voice mails. Who knew that was causing my wrinkles and gray hairs -- I mean "natural highlights?" What gives? So I picked up the copy.

And ironically, it was a magazine for old people called More.

Well, actually, the cover says it's for women over 40. In the past that would have translated to me as old people, but 40 is looking and sounding younger and younger to me all the time. Mostly because I am headed in that general direction. Sooner than I would like.

It happens to the best of us, I guess.

So I read the article in More, and it turns out voice mails don't cause wrinkles or any dreaded diseases or even cankles or back fat. But because there's an unreferenced, anonymous group of "young people" who don't leave voice mails, now suddenly you're old if you do.

Yes, apparently any deviation from doing what young people do makes you look old. What logic!

Young people don't talk about what happened before 2001. They don't cook roasts or bring food to meetings. The young don't take vacations to old-fogey places like the European countryside, and they avoid direct confrontation and long-range planning. So says More.

I am positively ancient by some of these standards. Heck, More should send me a subscription for free just as an honorary induction into the over-40 club.

However, there are some things I am doing to appear young, according to the article. For one, I use my cell phone to check the time rather than wear a watch. I don't offer unsolicited parenting advice, block the aisle in a store or yell into my cell phone (unless I'm calling 911). And I, ahem, well, I groom.

So maybe I'm just halfway to being old?

I still don't see why it's so bad to cook or bring food to gatherings. And although mommy brain has made it harder for me to do long-range planning, I think having a plan does indeed rock.

But who am I kidding? In the end, it's these gray hairs -- I mean natural highlights -- that will make me look old....