Things pregnant women shouldn't do

Once a woman finds out she is pregnant, there is a long list of dos and don'ts for her to abide by. It can really be overwhelming. Some things on her list are from her doctor, and others are from people in her everyday life. A pregnant woman should not:

Bend over.
In my experience (16 months of total pregnancy time so far -- or is it 17 months?), few people want to see a pregnant woman bend over. Some people go to great lengths, and with comic speed, to pick up something a pregnant woman has dropped or is trying to reach. This is really sweet and kind, but do you know how many times my son drops or leaves things on the floor that I have to pick up? How I still have to put his shoes on? And my own shoes? To feed the pets, pull the laundry out of the dryer, get the secret snack stash our of the bottom desk drawer lettuce out of the produce drawer in the fridge .... I do plenty of stooping.

Still ... the world is just going to have to suffer seeing my barenaked toenails for at least a couple of months because I can't reach them and am not spending 20 bucks to get a pedicure every other week. Sorry, world.

Carry things.
Many people seem to think pregnant women have broken arms. This is especially true at the supermarket. Heaven forbid that I lift a large container of something into my cart or at the checkout. Do these people ever wonder who takes that vat of ice cream oversize box of laundry soap out of my car once I get home? Hmm? They might faint if they weighed the purse I carry around. I am also not supposed to pick up the Man-cub. So if he needs a hug, or has to be snatched away from playing in the street, he is just out of luck.

Get fresh air and sunshine.
You don't want to catch a cold, I guess. Or the sun is just too much for a pregnant woman to handle. I'm not sure, but a couple weeks ago, someone told me I should get out of the sun. Maybe that was her special way of telling me I'm already crazy enough and didn't need the strong subtropical rays baking my head. Or maybe she was concerned about my fluctuating hormones making me more susceptible to skin damage -- but it's too late, because I already have that special "mask of pregnancy" called chloasma from last time around. Thank you, Mother Nature, for the nice souvenir.

Inflate balloons.
A pregnant woman should save all of her inhaling and exhaling for the baby. The baby needs oxygen; balloons don't. It's more fun to fill them with water and throw them at people, anyway.

Let her child kiss her on the mouth.
Apparently, there's a silent virus carried by small children that can cause your unborn child to have birth defects. That means no sharing food or drinks and lots of hand washing. So I also can't let my toddler kiss me on the mouth. But how can I not?

Be rude to people who comment on her size.
Because a pregnant woman is cute, it would be unseemly to do anything but smile when someone points out her belly for the 36th time in one day. Sure, it's hard to ignore the belly. But most expectant mothers don't need to be reminded that they are, you know, pregnant. They also don't need to be told their face is getting fat, their nose is getting big or their hips are getting wider.

If you really want to be safe, don't make any comments about a pregnant woman's physical appearance at all -- not even something complimentary. Catch her on a bad-hormone day, and your thoughtful "You're glowing!" remark could be met with "Are you trying to say I'm wearing too much makeup?!" If you say, "That maternity top looks so good on you," she might snarl back, "So you think I look good being fat?!"

Enjoy herself or be comfortable.
And of course, a pregnant woman must never drink alcohol, take most OTC medications, eat soft cheeses or sushi or deli meat, drink caffeinated beverages, sleep on her back, sit in a hot tub or sauna, or do anything fun that might cause her to fall like skating or going down water slides.

So when the mother has all these rules hanging over her head while incubating a baby, is it any wonder she has her own list of dos and don'ts for that child?!

College savings failure

Sometime after my son was born, I got roped into signing up with Upromise. Every time my husband or I go to Publix now, we faithfully hand over the reward card to the friendly cashier to scan and record any possible kickbacks from what we purchased.

Two and a half years later, we've earned a whopping 91 cents.

OK, I get it -- we're not buying a lot of the stuff that is taking part in the Upromise program.

But then I get this e-mail showing just how poorly we are shopping. (Son 15 years from now: "Mom, why didn't you buy more of that junk food that sends me to college?") To make it worse, the e-mail has to go and compare us to other good little college savers. (Upromise: "Why can't you be more like the so-and-so family?") Guilt and more guilt.

Maybe eventually I'll catch up and Upromise will help pay for a few semesters of books. All I can say is hallelujah for our 529 plan.


Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Updating blog roll

It's waaaaay out of date. Care to be listed? Please let me know.

Jatropha

Flowers on a jatropha bush, which attracts butterflies

So you think you can bake?

So I finally did it. I realized a childhood dream of mine to enter the Pillsbury Bake-Off, even though I'm a half-fast cook.

(As a child, I also dreamed of becoming Miss America. And marrying someone whose last name is Wood. And becoming a roller derby queen. Let's be thankful some childhood dreams have staying power, while others don't....)

Even though it's a long shot to making it to the top 100 finalists, I figure my chances are better than they were for becoming Miss America. If I don't make the cut, you can be sure my rejected recipe will wind up here -- because apparently my blog motto is, "Nothing is too horrible to subject my readers to."

Today is the last day to submit recipes, so hurry up and join me for a chance at fame and a million bucks!

Prenatal vitamins can be hazardous to your health*

This isn't the thumbs-up sign.

It's just my thumb. My poor, injured thumb. You probably can't tell, but I got a cut just under my nail from trying to pop out a prenatal vitamin from its package. And I have a little blood blister too.

(Why are things so hard to open nowadays?)

The things no one tells you about when you're pregnant . . . .

I know you're really feeling for me. I appreciate your sympathy.

*And I'm not even talking about the lead in prenatal or children's vitamins.


Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Earth Day is now Earth Month?!

Earth Day is coming up April 22, but you might not know it by the way the entire month of April has been filled with environment-related events.

It's all good, though. And actually, it seems to me more and more that environmentally friendly articles and other news items are showing up all year round, not just near Earth Day.

Like a pair of new DVDs that came out a few weeks ago -- last month: Playhouse Disney's Handy Manny show, with a DVD called Manny's Green Team, and Schoolhouse Rock! Earth.

Every kid's favorite handyman, Handy Manny, solves problems that come up in a way that's better for the environment -- like building a bridge where a bike path is supposed to go to save a turtle nest and using solar power to help a friend advertise his business. The Green Team DVD also includes bonus material like a printable checklist to take green steps around your house and a fun recycling game -- “Livin’ La Vida Verde." (Don't you love it?!)

And if you're old enough to remember watching the original Schoolhouse Rock on TV, you can share a new green version of it with your kids with Schoolhouse Rock! Earth. The creators of the original series -- and some familiar voices and characters -- showcase fun original tunes about saving water or creating a "tiny urban zoo." From the tropical rainforest to the North Pole, kids will learn about environmental issues facing the world and steps they can take to save the planet, all in a fun way.

You could win one of these DVDs! The nice folks at ABC / Disney have provided a copy of each for me to give away! Just leave a comment and mention something you've learned about the environment this year, what you're doing for Earth Day (Earth Month!) or what you do to reduce / reuse / recycle. Mention which DVD you'd be interested in (you can say both if you'd like either one), and I'll randomly draw two winners on Friday.

Update: We have winners!



MamaGeek at What Works for Us was the first commenter, so she wins the Handy Manny DVD.



And Heather at Cool Zebras was the second commenter, so she wins the Schoolhouse Rock DVD.

Congrats!

Anhinga

An anhinga in Everglades National Park

Sneeze and wheeze

With half my friends coughing and sneezing along with me these days for the past month, I have to believe something mysterious is in the air causing us to suffer.

Not a government conspiracy. Allergies.

I've blogged about the Whole Foods Whole Body Podcast before, and recently they've dealt with seasonal allergies. It's interesting to hear a doctor speak about using stinging nettle to control the histimine reaction that causes those allergy symptoms (although the herb is probably not a good idea for pregnant women like me), as well as supplements like Vitamin C and other good ideas for combating allergies naturally.

My husband and I have also used an air purifier for several years in our room. Don't tell it how much we've been coughing and sniffling, though -- it might get a complex.

My son's room has a humidifier on more days than not. Yeah, that's right -- a humidifier. In South Florida. That's like watering your yard before a hurricane hits. But I guess it's helpful indoors, where the air conditioning sucks the humidity out of the air.

Being pregnant, there isn't too much else I can do about the allergies besides have the baby early (bad idea) or find out what the heck is blooming out there and single-handedly mow it down (unlikely).

Maybe I should turn my attention to our two cats, known allergen producers . . . they might be plotting to kill me . . . .

Happy blogiversary to me

Slap a party hat on my head, it's ma blogiversary!

It's true. A year ago today, I had the crazy idea to start this blog and start adding drivel to the Internet. If that's not a call for celebration, I don't know what is.

You might remember my quest last summer to visit one South Florida water park every week. Result? My son ended up hating water parks. (Well, except for one.)

You might remember how an electrocuted iguana ruined my lunch.

My advice about wearing sequined thongs.

My dream of buying a boat.

How I planned to stalk Dara Torres.

You helped me raise money when I declared, "Will walk for boobs."

You rejoiced with me when I announced we're having another baby.

Yes, you struggled through it all with me.

So, if you've been reading Tropic of Mom for any length of time, I figure you deserve something more worthwhile to read. Leave a comment here, and on Friday, I'll randomly pick a winner to receive a $25 Barnes & Noble gift card. That will expose you (well, one of you) to some better quality writing.

Goodness knows you need it.

Thanks for reading!

Update: We have a winner!



Krystyn at Really Are You Serious was the 4th commenter, so she wins the gift card. Congratulations!

Last trimester and pregnancy math

This is it, peeps. Going into the home stretch now.

I realized yesterday with horror I can no longer count. I thought I had three months left until the baby arrives.

Not so. I have two months.

I don't think I can be blamed, though. I blame pregnancy math. How is it that a typical 40-week pregnancy is considered nine months? Last I remember, 40 divided by 4 weeks in a month equals 10 months, right? So you would think nine months divided into three equal trimesters would mean the last trimester means the last three months. Eu sou confusa.

Darn online pregnancy calendars....


Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Fun Easter basket gift idea (and it's not candy!)

If your kids are in the room, distract them or send them away!

Are they gone?

OK.

Shh. If you're still trying to assemble an Easter basket for your kids, here is something cool to include: the Bunnytown: Hello Bunnies! DVD. It has four fun episodes featuring these cute and clever rabbits, as well as a game and a lesson in dancing.

Bunnytown is definitely going in my son's Easter basket. Because he's only two and a half, I don't think he will care that he has already reviewed the DVD with me. ("Watch Bunnytownz?" he asked the day after we first viewed it.) Just look at the cover. It's perfect for an Easter basket! Then just add some jellybeans, chocolate, a book, something crafty or hands-on like Play-Doh or crayons, a favorite kind of toy -- and the basics are covered.

Not having been aware of Bunnytown before the nice folks at Playhouse Disney offered me the DVD to review, I was suspicious. The bunnies on the cover just seemed too cute to be nice. Surely, for all that cuteness, they must be smart-alecks, I thought. These rabbits were going to be surly and warp my child's impressionable mind. But after watching Bunnytown, I'm relieved to find they are just cute rabbits through and through, with a fun sense of humor and a great love of music. It's not a terribly educational show, but it seems like good clean fun -- and there's the music too. (Did I mention the music? Look for the Disco Pirate Bunnies.) The bunnies are puppets that live in a land designed with a cartoonish appearance, but every episode features the antics of real people: a goofy Laurel and Hardy-type duo and a sportscaster who reports on some kind of silly competition. (Chefs using cooking utensils to play golf and be the first to whack the ball into a plate of pasta? What's silly about that?)

Adding a DVD or book to an Easter basket fills up the space so there's less room for candy. And as a person who recently discovered her son's Halloween candy loot in the pantry, I think less candy is a great idea....

Just hatched

Just in time for Easter, this monarch butterfly hatched yesterday in our front yard. A couple weeks ago, my son excitedly watched three caterpillars eating our milkweed plant. Then they disappeared -- we found two cocoons. One butterfly hatched a couple days ago, but this one held on. Good thing, too, so we got to see it! The Man-cub actually discovered the butterfly before I did. We watched while it got used to its wings to be ready to fly.

The pregnancy pillow bakery

Husband: So you're using your pregnancy pillow a lot now, huh?

Me: This? No, it's just a regular body pillow. From last time, when we were expecting the Man-cub.



Husband: So what's a pregnancy pillow, then? Is that the thing that looks like a bagel? Or is it more like a croissant?

Me: A croissant?

Husband: Yeah, like the Man-cub's Boppy.



Me: Um. I guess that's shaped like a croissant. But not really. I think the pregnancy pillow looks more like a brioche.



Me: Or wait, maybe a weird bialy.

Husband: Brioche? Bialy? Now you're just making stuff up. Let's just call it a donut and be done with it.



Me: Whatever, but I'm still sleeping with my, um, eclair.

Cookie stealth 101

I think if you're a normal person, every once in a while you eat a little more than your share of the cookies.

Um, right?

But you don't want anyone to notice how many cookies you've eaten.

Once again, perfectly normal. Human nature, I'd say, no matter how old you are.

Well, here is a great solution!

Once one row of packaged cookies is gone, move the second row to the first:







From the open end of the package, it looks like a full container of cookies!



And if anyone calls you on it (once they get to the middle section and notice it's empty), just deny, deny, deny....


Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Home on the range

A suburban South Florida cow pasture where high-rises are a five-minute drive away