Different vs. better: When do you give other parents the benefit of the doubt?

I worked as an editor for a while before starting my own (failed) magazine, writing a book and then staying home to take care of the Man-Cub. I learned that when editing, changing something a writer has written doesn't always make the piece better -- sometimes, it's just different. And if editing didn't improve the piece, then I learned to just leave it alone. Because different doesn't equal better.

I have similar thoughts as a parent: Just because other parents do something I wouldn't, it doesn't mean either one of us is better. We're just different. All parents have to make their own choices that are right for their kids and their families.

But in some situations, I still worry about the kids involved. While editing, if someone wrote "lead" when she meant "led," misused a semicolon or needed better organization for her thoughts, that's one thing. Kids are more important.

One night recently, I made a quick dash to the supermarket when my husband was home with my boys. I pulled into the parking lot at the same time as another car. The car had a young man, an elderly woman and a little girl around three or four. The girl wasn't in a car seat or even a seat belt. I could tell because she was bouncing around. Later, I was surprised to see the elderly woman limping through the store with the girl -- while the young man in the driver's seat waited in a handicapped parking spot. I found myself casting judgment against this family. Then I reminded myself there was probably a reason the little girl was out late, there was a reason the young man wasn't the one to go into the store instead of the feeble grandmother (even though the handicapped parking sticker was probably for her). Maybe the grandmother was raising the girl herself and wasn't aware of child restraint laws, and the young man was a neighbor who offered to drive her after dark. Maybe the woman couldn't leave the girl with anyone but had to get something for breakfast the next morning.

So I didn't say or do anything. But I worried about the girl not being in a seat belt. I always buckle my kids in, after all. It's the law.

Then yesterday afternoon when I was taking my boys to an appointment, we parked near a large SUV outside a cafe. As I was getting the Man-Cub and Junebug out of their seats, I could hear kids playing inside the SUV. The engine was running, and the front windows were rolled all the way down -- but I didn't see any adults. I looked around to see if someone was nearby. All I saw were a man and woman sitting at one of the cafe tables. As I led the Man-Cub and Junebug away, the woman got up and opened the SUV to yell at the kids to get back in their seats. I instantly thought the couple was enjoying an early dinner while the kids were left in the vehicle. But then I wondered if the couple was just waiting to pick up a to-go order and didn't want kids running around the cafe tables. The SUV was right in front of them, so the children were in sight. And I'm sure with the engine running, the A/C was still on, so they weren't going to die of heat.

But the situation reminded me of a time when parents went into a local restaurant and left their son and daughter in the car in the parking lot, and a woman in the nearby store I was in called the police. A community resource patrolman -- a volunteer "cop" -- showed up to give the couple an oral warning. That was it, in spite of the trouble we have in steamy southern Florida with children being left in cars (and even school buses) to roast to death.

I didn't say or do anything about the SUV full of kids. I gave the woman the benefit of the doubt, even though I personally wouldn't leave my children in my car while picking up a meal (if that's what was going on).

Most of the time, I do give other parents the benefit of the doubt, because parenting is hard, and we all are trying to raise our children the best way we can. Defend the mother whose toddler was burned by hot coffee at Starbucks? I was the only one who did so on my local newspaper's Facebook page. Stick up for the woman who was ahead of a friend in line at a fast-food place and was apparently taking too much time ordering meals for the kids in her van? Yes, even though my friend complained it was somehow rude of the woman not to usher the children inside to order and leave the drive-through window for people who are trying to get to work.

A few months ago, I blogged that Jaycee Dugard's story taught me to trust my maternal instincts even if it meant calling the police. In these definitely less-dire situations I witnessed, I hope that those instincts were right and that the kids would be OK. Still, it's something I struggle with, knowing when to speak up.

Have you ever confronted a parent or called the police?