I say blah blah blah

The so-called blogging experts say you shouldn't write "why I haven't blogged" posts, but I figure you deserve an explanation.

If you are coming here in your free time to read my silly drivel and even check in on me (which I didn't realize until 10 minutes ago ... thank you!), then you are true friends.

I could wax poetic about writing and life, but I'll spare your eyes. (Save your good vision for wrapping presents, reading holiday cards that arrive in the mail and watching specials on TV.)

Basically, I just can't keep up the blogging game anymore -- and trying to do so has ruined my health.

I started blogging while expecting my five-year-old, and it was great to find a community of other dedicated moms from all philosophies, locations and walks of life. I depended on their support during my pregnancy and first months as a mother, and later to find out how other moms were walking that motherhood walk. Because I sure didn't know how to do it!

Maybe it's just me, but commercialization has changed that community a bit. There are the haves and have-nots of the blogosphere, and, well, I guess I'm just not as hilarious or poignant as the blog superstars (some of whom I "grew up with" as a new mom blogger), or maybe it's that I didn't have a hook or niche of some kind to catch much interest. I admit I compared myself to other bloggers. And I admit lack of success got me down.

Also, I have two little boys now who don't really nap, and they are just too cute and fun (and OK, needy) to ignore while I devote my attention to a computer screen. (Well, that's what they think I'm doing.)

So I stayed up in the wee hours after everyone was asleep to blog and comment.

And/or I ended up ignoring my children. (I am right now. But they are enjoying a new DVD and are happy for the moment.)

And still got nowhere with my blog.

So, whatever.

A five-year track record of five to six broken hours of sleep every night made me cranky and ill. I finally had to say enough was enough, turn off the computer for the night, get some rest and get well. Some people say they trained themselves to need very little sleep. I say that's awesome for them! But yeah it didn't really work for me.

After so much time away from my blogs, I feel guilty. Almost like How dare I try to post again? Who will even remember me now?!

But I made a deal with myself. If I focus on my health and family first, and I get a chance to post something, great! I'm just not going to care about how many posts I do every week. I'm not going to worry about stats. I'm not going to try to be popular. I know some of my blogging peeps would say it's blog suicide and you have to treat your blog like a business. I say blah blah blah. Tried it, failed, ruined my health and slighted my family, moving on.

Because even though I'm a writer, I don't have to be a great blogger.

Maybe I'll be able to give it another earnest try some time. Just not now.

Now, I need time to rest and time to enjoy my boys.

They are the reason for this blog, after all....